Happy Candlenights my friends! It's time once more for our annual Huntington pilgrimage! Enjoy!

Suggested Talking Points: It's Candlenights!

What is … flavor? What defines the essence of an object’s true, unambiguous taste? Is flavor, perhaps, in the tongue of the food-haver? Also, mind if we sprinkle a little bit of dirt on this lasagna?

Suggested talking points: Log Recommendations, A Whole Nut?, That One’s Spice, The Bad Boy of Sudoku, Mike’s Secret Milkshake, Potions and Chili, Cool Whip Mysteries

Well, it finally happened. We got bit by the Broadway bug. Time to raise our anchors and set sail toward the warm, inviting waters of professional musical theater. Don’t try and change our minds — we have become Daddy Warbucks, and Daddy Warbucks don’t podcast.

Suggested talking points: Broadway Babies, Drinking Horn, Laserking, Fakin’ It, Pocket Watch Counterweight, Hats off to Christmas, A Good 9 and a Half, Peanuts on the Floor

We want you to come inside of our home — the one we all actually share together — to meet our new, government-mandated bird friends. Sure, the audio quality of this show is gonna take a dive, but when you see their horrible, shriveled faces, it’s still absolutely not going to be worth it.

Suggested talking points: Turkey House, Open the Glottis, Justin’s Cooking Class, Neutral Gifts, Bush Squirrel, Thanksgiving Pizza, A Lengthy Discussion of Butch

Step inside the mind of the mind-reader himself (who is Frasier) as we pitch our bold new vision for Frasier. In this one, Frasier’s getting nasty, and we’re not willing to negotiate on that point, so don’t bother asking.

Suggested talking points: Guiding Lights, Donuts with Morrie, Frasier’s World, Reach for the Stars, Fumanji Jizz Mist, Eight Words a Day, A Call from the Dogman

Hello! We’ve safely returned from the concluding show of the Become the Monster tour. We are weary, but we also didn’t want to put up another live episode, so we like … just recorded a new one. It’s wild, we think. It was all a blur. Comin’ in hot!

Suggested talking points: Magic Al the Fleshmancer, Working Less, Two-Timing Dog, Day One Costume, Flamin’ Ice Cream, Nude Rider, Intermediary Brothers

It happened. Well, a few things happened. One, we did a show in Orlando to make up for the time we had to cancel a show earlier this year. Two, in said show, Justin finally crossed the streams of his two wildly popular segments. Three, capitalism got the shot in the arm it’s needed for some time now. You’re welcome, everyone!

In which we realize the scope of our commitment in promising to send a horse to college, and then determine an extremely powerful and highly lucrative name for the aforementioned horse.

Suggested talking points: Halloween Delay, Candy Potluck, Happy Birthday Ronald, Medicine Blintz, We’re Sending a Horse to College, Ding Dong Speed Strats, Car Expertise

We’re taking a sick week and tossing up another live show from our most recent tour: Our maiden voyage to the good city Philadelphia. Unfortunately, we left that city worse off than we found it -- which is to say, covered in Beemen. We assume we will not be invited back.

Enjoy our most recent show from the gorgeous Kings Theater in Brooklyn, complete with a musical introduction from Lin and a cameo appearance by a guy who we are like — for real now — about 81 percent certain was Matt Doyle.

Look, the title ain’t lying, and you’d have no way of proving it if it were. One of us has seen every bird, full stop. We’re the new high score on the birdwatcher leaderboard, and who’s gonna argue against that? The birds? Probably not the birds.

Suggested talking points: Spookily, Raccoon Trash Strats (feat. John Hodgman), Dickbilled Priebus, Freakied and Fridayed, Ammunition for the Soda Wars

There’s only one surprisingly proportioned beef sandwich capable of stitching up the wide wounds carved across human civilization; and we’re the ones to invent it. (Not cook it, mind you. Good lord, we cannot fathom how to go about cooking Longburger. God, the logistics are dizzying.)

Suggested talking points: Mars 2113, Moon Germany, Oops All Croutons!, Great Sturg’ Spots, Haunted House Acting, Morgue Benefits, The Longburger

This live show, from our recent tour stop in Pittsburgh, will probably go down in history as “the one where we unknowingly distributed 100 KFC Doughnut Chicken Sandwiches to our audience, who, for some reason did not instantly turn against us.” We like to think of it … well, we don’t like to think of it. We did an unconscionable thing to you, our dear, dear listeners.

Who’s lookin’ to get sticky sticky sticky in the hot hot sun? Come on down to Spriteland and get WILD with all your carbonated buds! We got lazy rivers just chock-full of this clear stuff, and boy, the bees are just, really y’all, it’s really … there’s a lot of bees.

Suggested talking points: The Coldest Chili, Adult Trampoline Center, Sticky Amusement Park, Pizz-It!, Thanks Alexa, Fun Food for Fun Guys

If you open yourself up to it, love can find you in the strangest of places. In the meat aging attic. In Crash Bandicoot’s loaded back pocket. Or, in an unassuming serving of customizable, hastily baked authentic Italian pasta. Come, have a bowl. Reconnect.

Suggested talking points: Old Beef Jokes, Sporf, Damien Adultduck, The Raw Voice, Brown Sonic, Veggie Extravaganza, Tom Orrow, The Inside of Superman’s Mouth and Butt

We’re returning from a big, wild family vacation, and so we present to you our big, wild live show from Atlanta! We performed it last weekend, back when we were SO jacked up on Coca-Cola that a beam of brown, carbonated energy shot out of our chest and blew a hole in the ceiling. You probably read about it in the newspapers.

For millennia, mankind has searched for what could be universally considered the worst, yuckiest, most profane, most inscrutable condiment to ever exist, or ever would exist, forever and ever. We’re pleased to announce: The search is over.

Suggested talking points: Joker Watch, Pennysweets, Flesh Bottle, A New Possum Kingdom, Briefcase Use Case, Hummus Smuggler

Throw on your largest, most profane novelty T-Shirt and crack open a cold, fresh bottle of Old El Paso — it’s jokes time again!

Suggested talking points: Gridiron Wisdom, Feature Length Texts, What to Wear to Cave, Big Johnson, The Great Coupon Heist, Travis’ Falsified Book Report Service

Hey, Summer! Come over here for a second! We want to talk to you about … the beach. All the beach stuff we want to do during you, Summer. What’s that bear trap doing on the ground? Why’s Autumn hiding behind us with a big net in its hand? Don’t worry about that, Summer. Just … come over here for a sec, will ya?

Suggested talking points: Backpack Shopping, LASIK Check-In, Master Chief Lessons for Baby Boomers, Ghost Rider vs. Everyone, Pasta 4 Life, Ranch Mouth, Get Sticky Off It

We have been smashed to pieces by our recent viewing of Hobbs and Shaw, which may explain the somewhat punch-drunk nature of today’s episode. It’s also possible we’ve been sprayed with some kind of Jason Statham neurotoxin. In either case: Enjoy!

Suggested talking points: 5DXXX, Neighbor Lube, Buying Money, Potential Golf Family, Secret Chicken Debut, Chinning, Fun Facts

We spent pretty much all of last week on Island Time, which means we didn’t have time to record our japes and post them online for you, our dear friends. Instead, please enjoy this VILE episode that we did in Cleveland, a city that we ruined, with our filth.

In today’s episode, we stumble upon a new motto, a new personal mantra to guide us into the new Roarin’ 20s — but, unfortunately, it has a cuss in it. And we’re not sure if we’re allowed to put cusses in this description. We’re gonna go ask iTunes if we can cuss, BRB.

Suggested talking points: San Diego Discomfort Con, Two-Step Tip, Edible Tattoos, Dirty Dog Pizza, The Bell Hotel, Beast Food

We’re heading back from book tour, making this the perfect time for us to deploy our recent live show from lovely, soggy Indianapolis. Join us for discussions on Real Life Vape Dads, and see Justin and Travis fuse into a hive mind while discussing practical pepperoni applications.

According to our editing software, this one is about 55 minutes long. Which is strange, because while we were recording in the Standing Energy Time Dilation Plane, it seemed a whole lot longer than that.

Suggested talking points: Standing Energy, Joe vs. Unassigned Carbon, Jelly Bean Pouch, Secret Donuts, Unfireable (w/ Guestpert Laura Kate Dale!), A Hospital for Humans and Birds

Friends! We have a question for you: How many hot dogs did YOU eated last week? Did you do the most, out of everyone? Please tell us if you did the most, so we can give you the biggest trophy. Also, Jesse Eisenberg is in this one.

Suggested talking points: Caesar Salad Contest, Viral Mom, Crush the Trash Real Small, Teen Donuts, Pee Mail (w/ Guestpert Jesse Eisenberg), Hermit Crab Distinction, Hair Ownership

All Aboard*! The Food Train’s pulling into the station, and its sixty robot chefs are prepared to meet your every culinary desire! (* - Do not board the Food Train under any circumstances. Your body will be annihilated.)

Suggested talking points: Songland, Stealing a Big Lamp, The Scullery, Vacation Clothes, Reba Mayo, Intangible Cutsies

Catching the brunt of cold and flu season, which might be happening right now, we haven’t checked? Sounds like you need to up your daily intake of Vitamin Cheese. GOTTA get that good stuff in your bones.

Suggested talking points: BO Doctors, The Fussy Man, Weed Boy, Birthday Role-play, Donuts and to the Left, Pigland, Shaqaroni

We bumped the Grand Ole Opry from the Ryman lineup to present our own twisted, skewed comedy to the fine folks of Nashville, Tennessee. It was a momentous show, if only for the fact that we finally struck an accord with the Sky-Warriors, and put a climactic end to our centuries-long, unbelievably costly battle.

We believe in all our listeners’ ability to enjoy the summer responsibly and jubilantly. BUT. You wanna push that stuff Over the Top? You wanna get wiiiiiiild? Then you’ve GOT to get this episode into your life.

Suggested talking points: Summer Preview 2019, Daddy’s Favorite Box, Elephant Heaven, Damages, Demogorgon Desserts, Popcorn Hat, Fried Secrets

Well, we did the damn thing again. We went ahead and spent a half hour talking about Garfield. We know. It’s done, though. The episode’s already finished, and this is it, and it’s got a full 30 minutes of Garfield in there. Better luck next time.

Suggested talking points: Number 38, Pork Scenes, TV Talk, Belly Pudding, 50 Riddles to Defeat Anxiety, The Complete Garfield Dining Experience

On today’s episode, we spend a while getting PUMPED for all the GREAT new television shows we’ll get to watch this year, then introduce our backdoor pilot for a food delivery brand that can transform into a bazooka-wielding beast-monster. Hollywood, you know how to reach us.

Suggested talking points: Pilot Season 2019, Cool Forklift Stunts, Three-Fight Deal, Beastmates, Dantown, War Gunk, Noise Funk

Today’s episode is ALL about dad-hacks, which is to say, how to hack your dad and make him buy you AS MANY expensive fish tanks as you want. We won’t lie: It’s not gonna be easy. But when you’ve got your hands on one of these big, aquatic beauties, you’ll know it was all worth it.

Suggested talking points: We The Fans, Fungus Medicine Theft, Authentic Egg Stink, Ancient Chocolates, The Earl of Earl of Sandwich, Travis Tritt’s Fish n’ Shits, Anarchist Ellen

We’re scattered hither and yon this week, so here’s our recent live show from the Shire-esque paradise known as Salt Lake City. Join us for discussions of homemade knives, skull-based fighting techniques and, hands down, the yuckiest Munch Squad ever.

A criminal crime happened in front of a breathless nation, and we’re just supposed to sit back and just like, celebrate a weak horse? This will not stand. We will not stand for it.

Suggested talking point: A Robbery on the Racetrack, Darth Navarro, Batilda, Big Awesome Bones, Wet and International Hamburgers, Susan Office, A Thrifty Snip

Wake Up and Smell The Future, It’s Time For Beanjuice™! Grind up the day! Here is Beanjuice™. It is an exciting opportunity: A contest, maybe! But one thing’s for sure: High-end luxury, and youth, and it’s not the stuff that’s left over in a can of beans, so please stop telling people that.

Suggested talking points: Beanjuice™, Amateur Panera Bread Server, Jerry Seinfeld: Latency-free Gamer, Off to See the Lizard, Rob Lowe’s Murderglobes, Accidental Butt Smack

Keep your head on a swivel as we celebrate this birthday season, because there’s a LOT OF STUFF out to get us. Fridge traps, Cager the Basketball Monster, Minecraft Spiders — just, like, look lively, friends.

Suggested talking points: Creams and Cakes, Birthday Boy Billy, Guinea Pig Brother, Fridge Epidemic, Disrespectful Hoops, Happy Taste Good, Joe’s Apartment But With Spiders, Boo Club

Take a load off, friends. We know you’ve got your fair share of worries — heck, we all do. We’re here for you! Just whisper ‘em right here, right up our shirt sleeve. Let the shirt do the rest.

Suggested talking points: The Taxmen Cameth, The Good New Art, Moto Dog, Ticket to Family, Cavemans, Pretzel Abominations, Bustin’ In, Koi Care

We apologize to the city of San Jose for how many pranks we did on this episode, in which we celebrated the Great Pranking Day while recording a live show. If you want to be similarly pranked, good news! This episode also has details on the Become the Monster tour, coming (maybe) to a city near you!

Wow, oh boy, do we hope you love benign observational humor. Oh jeez. We’ve really put all our chips down on benign observational humor, and if that doesn’t pay off — yikes! We’re gonna lose our shirts!

Suggested talking points: PGA Street Ball, Owl Trust, Bug Armor, Emergency Greeting Card, Jacked Triton, A Wet Edible Aggro Crag, Candy Boss, The Ravioli Beast

It’s week two of the MaxFunDrive, and already we’re looking for ways to boost our bottom line on the off chance this whole operation goes off the rails. If you see that sweet yellow bread sailing through the clouds, you’ll know our mission was a success.

Suggested talking points: Shazam-Watch, Serve Yourself, Pet Crocodile, Hammy Sagar, The P’Zone Cometh, The Point of Bubble Baths, Cornbread Drones, Whoopie Cushion Strategy Guide

Happy MaxFunDrive, everybody! We’re kicking things off with a genuine POTION PARTY! Come and get strong and fast and powerful with us, and consider kicking in a donation while you’re at it! This potion’s for you!

Suggested talking points: The Piper, Surprise Bonus Fish, Big Monster Wheel Power Boy, My Foul Lady, Guy-Pounded Chicken, The Best Potion, Orgling, DVD Dead Drops

We’re currently setting sail, looking for ancient treasures and sunken artifacts on the Atlantic Ocean on the JoCo Cruise! In the meantime, enjoy our recent live show from New Orleans! This episode is NOT HAUNTED.

Just in case you happen to physically see us sometime in the next few months, you might want to listen to this one, just to explain the beautiful, grime-free spaces between our pressure-blasted choppers. Gosh. GOSH, those teeth spaces, though.

Suggested talking points: Waterpik Watch, Breakfast Break and Enter, Nintendo Nephew Dog, Romance Novel Deception, Jim Carrey Party, Farm Wisdom: Down Under,  Karaoke Lessons

This episode features some of the narrowest narrow-casting yet recorded in human history, which is to say: If you’ve got a science report about Birds due at school tomorrow morning, we’ve absolutely got you on this one.

Suggested talking points: Justin’s Soundboard, Snowblower Preferences, Hot Grapes?, Eight Paper Towel Rolls, Moist Magazines, AI Taxi, 50 Avian Descriptors

You love this episode.

Suggested talking points: Love Podcast Episode, Risky Card Reuse, Pepsi’s Vegetables, Little Secrets, Bach Lyrics, Cuisines, Pizzies, References

Here’s our live show, presented before a profoundly rowdy Birmingham audience, in which sensitive issues are discussed. Drink deeply of this episode, lapping its precious nutrients out of the palm of our upturned hands.

This episode is all about food mistakes, which -- you know, we could save a lot of time writing these descriptions if we just used that as a boilerplate for every episode. This, and all episodes: Food mistakes.

Suggested talking points: 200 Convo Starties for Guys, Raccoon Ciabatta, Wingilingus, My Body is My Dad, Navigational Woes, Hole Uncle, Foodlifting

So, you think you’re tough enough to crack on into the Pandemonium Cube? Huh! Well, I hope you enjoy being a skeleton, because that’s what you’re gonna be after you fail to open the Pandemonium Cube — a SKELETON.

Suggested talking points: They Shall Not Grow Old Watch, Sora’s Savior, Burrito Love Discount, Dream Commercials, “Secret Shopping”, Say It With Donuts, Haircut Convo

Live from Podcon 2, it’s half an episode of MBMBaM! And then half an episode of non-live MBMBaM, just to give you a well-rounded hour-long podcast listening experience! Get It! Apple Time!

There’s a lot of what I’m going to classify as “Goof Echoes” in this episode — a strange phenomenon where subject matter of the past is placed, unconsciously, back on the table for discussion. Join us as we revisit challenging topics, such as Goose-Love, and Shampoo Chemistry.

Suggested talking points: Glasswatch, Shark Cuban, Bung’s A Bung’s A Bung, Sudsy Substitution, Special Guestpert: Bridget Lancaster, Schiff in the Mix, Doose Guck

We’re looking for every opportunity we can to Become the Monster (TM, TM, TM) which informs a lot of this episode. Namely? We’re tired of the super “hero” known as Wolverine always trying to murder our dad, and boy, we’re feeling brave enough to give him a piece of our mind.

Suggested talking points: Our Coworker Wolverine, Christmas in August, Janine’s Big Pockets, Tebow’s Fresh Start, Crash Etiquette, Origami Mistake